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fulmerspot
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Joined: July 8th, 2009, 12:44 pm

Impending Birth - Not Being Present

July 7th, 2017, 3:42 pm

I have decided not to attend the impending birth of my son, I am really very not good at the sight of blood, I pass out in hospitals.

Some people have treated this as me practically disowning wife and child. I just know that me passing out in the operating theatre (my wife is having a C section) will just be an impediment and possibly a hindrance to the surgical staff getting on with their job and making the whole process as trauma free as posssible foir my wife and the little one.
Any thoughts from the assembled wisdom here?

Herr KartoffelKopf
 
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ppauper
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Re: Impending Birth - Not Being Present

July 7th, 2017, 4:27 pm

I googled some stats
back in 2014, they said 93% of UK fathers are present at birth so you're in a minority (7% or one-in-14)

If your wife is happy with the arrangement and someone else (her mother? sister?) can be there with her, I don't see the problem
If your wife is not happy with the arrangement.....
 
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Paul
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Re: Impending Birth - Not Being Present

July 7th, 2017, 4:30 pm

With a C section you probably won't see that much blood anyway, probably less than with a natural birth. They'll keep you well away from the business end, it'll be screened off.

In the worst case I'm sure they are used to people passing out. And a scheduled C section is very different from an emergency one so there's plenty of time to discuss your condition with the doctors. 

I think you are worrying unnecessarily!
 
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Traden4Alpha
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Re: Impending Birth - Not Being Present

July 7th, 2017, 4:42 pm

If you feel social or marital pressure to be present, then ask your wife's doctor about ways you can be there without seeing "down there" (e.g., sitting next to your wife facing her head). If the doctor is concerned about you fainting during the procedure then you have a good reason to not be there.

And if you can't be present and are facing ill-treatment in your social circle then know it is only the lesser man who worries about being considered the lesser man.
 
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Paul
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Re: Impending Birth - Not Being Present

July 7th, 2017, 4:52 pm

You will be a lesser man!!

They will sit you next to your wife's head. There will be a big screen hiding all her insides. They won't let you anywhere near the surgical goings on. You can face whichever way you like. The first time you might see blood is when the baby is lifted up, above the screen. At that point they'll either pass the baby to the mother or weigh it first and then pass to the mother. So there will be blood on the baby. 

But even if you wait until later to meet your son there'll still be blood on him! It's not like the 1950s when the baby was taken away, washed, gift wrapped...
 
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katastrofa
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Re: Impending Birth - Not Being Present

July 7th, 2017, 5:42 pm

My sister claims that her C-section was "fun". She demanded that she was the first person to touch the baby and her husband (a brain surgeon, so not the faint of heart) the second. I'm not sure how it was possible, but it looks like they granted her wish since the hospital hasn't been blown up :-)

Fulmerspot, I believe you're a geriatric father. I think you should ask your doctor if it's safe for you to participate in an emotional situation. If there are any risks involved, your wife might prefer that you stay away not to get her worried about you and more stressed.

Anyway, all the best to your wife.
Last edited by katastrofa on July 7th, 2017, 5:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.
 
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trackstar
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Re: Impending Birth - Not Being Present

July 7th, 2017, 5:56 pm

I have never been near a birthing from either side, and I too faint at the sight of too much blood.  At least on one occasion.

In any case, I think this is between you and your wife.  If you are both comfortable with you waiting outside, there is nothing wrong with that.  Some may say a missed opportunity to see something amazing, but that's an option, not an obligation.

There is far too much reality TV these days, with cameras and presence everywhere all the time.  Some things are mysteries and should be allowed to remain so.

If I were married and going to give birth, I would probably prefer that my husband not be there unless he was fairly sure he would be fine with it. Otherwise it would be hard not to worry about him and how he was doing, even when there would be many other quite urgent things going on...including me, swearing a blue streak.  :D

Congratulations and I wish both of you the absolute best for the impending special day.  :)
Last edited by trackstar on July 7th, 2017, 7:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.
 
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Paul
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Re: Impending Birth - Not Being Present

July 7th, 2017, 6:01 pm

Such political correctness!

Man up!

If you faint it'll be a great story to tell your son.
 
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trackstar
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Re: Impending Birth - Not Being Present

July 7th, 2017, 6:06 pm

Not from my side.  All I can tell you is that I fainted in an ER over a head wound (someone close to me) - it needed stitches but once I was sure she was going to be fine, on came the green and purple lights rushing at me and down I went.  :D

Oddly enough, I did not faint over a castration ("gelding").  That was a horse and I took care of him for the rest of the day.  Maybe because I had an active role and was not just an observer.

Don't you think it is strange how times have changed though, where men are now not only welcome in the delivery room (a good thing), but pressured to be there (not so good).
 
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Cuchulainn
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Re: Impending Birth - Not Being Present

July 7th, 2017, 6:40 pm

I am sure that the medical staff will take great care of mother and child, so you have nothing to worry about on that count. Maybe a wee shot of Laphroaig to stiffen the nerves :)

Best wishes!

//
(On the issue of childbirth, here in NL it was (still is?) common to give birth at home. When my daughter was born both of our cats were on the bed taking it all in. When our son was born our cat Boris wanted very much to guard his cot by sleeping under it).

Pets see the child as a new family member indeed.
Step over the gap, not into it. Watch the space between platform and train.
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http://www.datasim.nl
 
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Paul
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Joined: July 20th, 2001, 3:28 pm

Re: Impending Birth - Not Being Present

July 7th, 2017, 7:27 pm

I googled some stats
back in 2014, they said 93% of UK fathers are present at birth so you're in a minority (7% or one-in-14)
15% of people faint at the sight of blood.
https://curiosity.com/topics/about-15-o ... curiosity/
 
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Traden4Alpha
Posts: 23951
Joined: September 20th, 2002, 8:30 pm

Re: Impending Birth - Not Being Present

July 7th, 2017, 7:39 pm

I googled some stats
back in 2014, they said 93% of UK fathers are present at birth so you're in a minority (7% or one-in-14)
15% of people faint at the sight of blood.
https://curiosity.com/topics/about-15-o ... curiosity/
That suggests that more than half of fainting fathers either cave-in (or man-up) when birthing time rolls around.
 
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Paul
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Joined: July 20th, 2001, 3:28 pm

Re: Impending Birth - Not Being Present

July 7th, 2017, 7:49 pm

Or half are too squeamish to make babies!
 
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trackstar
Posts: 27505
Joined: August 28th, 2008, 1:53 pm

Re: Impending Birth - Not Being Present

July 7th, 2017, 7:50 pm

Feel obliged to defend fulmerspot on the fainting front.

It is very powerful. I am pretty tough in some ways, but I could not fight it off once it got hold of me.

On the other hand, there is no shame in it.

For men that have attended a birth, did you feel differently about your wife and women in general afterwards?

That's what I would be more concerned about - if a man had a terrible experience in the delivery room (not just due to possibly passing out, but rather the whole thing) that it would affect his feelings about his wife and intimacy more generally.

There is no airbrushing there.  A spade is a spade.  ;)
 
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katastrofa
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Location: Alpha Centauri

Re: Impending Birth - Not Being Present

July 7th, 2017, 8:16 pm

I googled some stats
back in 2014, they said 93% of UK fathers are present at birth so you're in a minority (7% or one-in-14)
15% of people faint at the sight of blood.
https://curiosity.com/topics/about-15-o ... curiosity/
I remember reading somewhere that men are particularly susceptible to that and 30% of them faints at the sight of blood, which next to your number suggests that women don't have this problem.
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