Hello Amin,I am very happy that you liked that snow leopard story. We all need a little restful break from the world once in awhile.With regard to your final comments, I am thinking of telling you a small story that may be helpful, but I want to make sure that you would be interested in hearing it. You can just let me know and if you would prefer not to hear it, I will not be offended at all.If you are sleeping now, I think you may feel better when you wake up. Sometimes a good nap is the perfect thing. :)TS

Sorry TS, I could not read the story here as I could not read your post before editing.http://defence.pk/threads/machinations- ... t-7042510I continued to try the phone numbers of interior ministry today but nobody responded. I am afraid now the US services and their accomplices in Pakistan will use my family, as always, to declare me mentally sick so that they could give me drugs/injections of their choice and experiment with me.

QuoteOriginally posted by: AminSorry TS, I could not read the story here as I could not read your post before editing.http://defence.pk/threads/machinations- ... 7042510Yes, I checked that site and see your updates. I hope that you had a pleasant and peaceful weekend overall.It will be a busy week for me now, but I also hope that people will be thoughtful in their posts here. If you do not mind my saying so, I imagine that your relatives care about you and just want to know that you can work on your finance projects without worrying so much about the world. At least this is how I would think about it, although I am very far away.In any case, have a good week!

Thank you TS. It seems they have blocked defence.pk from my computer where I was writing earlier using my internet USB device.QuoteOriginally posted by: AminI was recently allowed to leave the forced detention at a mental health facility after fifty days. During these fifty days, the psychiatrist saw me only four times. Only the first meeting was ten minutes long and rest of the meetings barely lasted a few minutes. Here are some of the sentences from the doctor. He failed to discuss the case with me at all but said"Since you do not have insight about your illness, we will have to use force and injections on you."When I asked for a second opinion from a different psychiatrist he said,"Under Pakistan mental health act, I have forfeited your right for a second opinion". He went on to say,"Your problem is that you are too intelligent and we want to solve this problem."In the last meeting he said,"I did not discuss illness and symptoms with you since you could have convinced me with logic that you are not sick but I know that you are sick for sure, hence I did not have any discussion about your illness.I was told that I would be kept on injections for Schizophrenia for at least five years due to his diagnosis.Seems like Uncle Sam has opened the gates of her treasury to persecute me at all cost and their puppets in Pakistan, the army encourages and bribes the doctors to declare me sick.I am very worried CIA/Americans will use similar tactics and use my family again to start giving me injections so that they could experiment with my neuro-transmitters again. Last year they played the same trick and the professor psychiatrist was was a total fraud and had an initial meeting with me that lasted less than fifteen minutes. He did not discuss my illness but asked irrelevant questions like if I had any girl friend at Northwestern. He also asked what I thought about having sex. I was totally astonished at the irrelevance of the questions but continued to answer thoroughly. (Here I would like to tell readers that I am not married and I badly wanted to marry before I went to London in 2010 but Pakistani agencies asked my family and the other family to oppose the marriage in every possible way.) When the professor psychiatrist could not find anything objectionable he left saying that he would resume the interview later and he never talked about diagnosis of my illness after that. I had two more meetings but he did not interview but broke the news that he would use force and he stopped me from having a second opinion according to the responsibility he had assumed using Pakistan Mental health law. They would use force and torture if I did not follow their orders. I was writing on internet and the incharge of facility took my laptop and cell phone saying that I could not use them according to mental health law. The incharge of the facility said that he wanted me to be a productive male in the society which he claimed I was not. I asked him that I would tape every conversation with him since I was in forced detention and I wanted to use those tapes later to prove my sanity. This was one of the reasons he took my computer since I taped one of the conversations in which he assured that he would not take my computer but did the very same thing the next day. He assured me that he would arrange for taping of future conversations using a tape recorder but he never gave me any tape recorder and backed on his promise and nothing was taped.I was totally sane and the only things psychiatrists could say were you are too intelligent and have to be treated, or we want you to be a productive male in society and other gibberish. They did not have any argument.

I am staying out of my home for the night since I had realized that my father will try to force me into detention again and I would request a court tomorrow for stay order to stop my father from hospitalizing me forcefully again and I would request the court that if there has to be a check on my mental health, it has to be done and investigated properly by a psychiatrist of my choice and I should remain free at the same time. I do not want to be at the mercy of my father's chosen psychiatrist as we saw in the past year that they continued to quote mental health laws and forcefully manipulate me into taking injections. If my father forcefully hospitalized me, I would be cutoff from the outer world and they would do whatever they like. My father's self-stylized saint(peer) had already hinted that he wanted to give me injections that would put me to sleep for 24 hours and he had no argument for my mental sickness at all.

Take care of yourself, Amin, and please do not stay outside tonight if it will be cold or dangerous where you are. Your father's house is probably a good place, overall. :)TS

The reality is that the neurons in your brain have become disconnected. The doctors need three years of heavy medication in order to rebuild the connections in your brain. You should not try to do any Math or anything which requires intense mental effort until you get clearance from the doctors.This condition (Shizophrenia) cannot heal itself. It requires heavy medication and medical supervision.You already had one opportunity to get free medical treatment in UK as a permanent resident. Now you should give the Pakistani doctors a chance to treat your brain.This is not a light issue. You could in fact go completely and totally nuts without the correct medical treatment.

It would be so great if people could give a quiet way a chance for a little while. **Amin, I am going to be away from the Forum for awhile because I am traveling and working a lot on the road.However, I hope that things will work out for the best for you this week.TS

Since many members of this forum have insisted on psychological treatment, I will like to mention many things here today that I never wrote on this forum ever before. I will try to be very very frank and open. I will not mention names of psychiatrists but would use random letters for their names. I will leave it to the readers to decide based on their own knowledge, goodness and degree of humanity whether any human ever deserves to be treated like this.I would, however, make a two point statement at the start. 1. My family has been acting with malevolence for past sixteen years. 2. Psychiatrists who treated me acted in a very unprofessional way.I will now state a lot of facts and incidents that actually happened in past sixteen years but I will not speculate about anybody's motives. I will request the reader to analyze the stated facts on their own and make a decision whether my assertions are true or not.When I came back to Pakistan from America, in 1999, eight persons came to my uncle's home in Lahore, tied my hands and legs, gave me several injections and made me drink a thick jelly like liquid in a bowl. I had not seen any psychiatrist at all when it happened. After I had swallowed the thick liquid, I started to shiver, and this shivering continued for about 48 hours. I could not sleep at night but I can recall very clearly that I continued to shiver. The next day, I was taken to a different city Rawalpinidi and I was asked to meet a psychiatrist in CMH (Pakistan Army's hospital). When I met the psychiatrist, I was in such a weak condition that I had to make a sheer effort to lift my eyelids. It was very difficult for me to open the eyes. The psychiatrist never really interviewed me much about what happened and started giving me psychiatric medicine. Though I can clearly recall that time, I had no mental strength to fluently reason and sy anything about my sanity. Later, I was taken to my sister's home where I was allowed to go out of the home freely after a few days. I left the home and was walking towards Saddar, and I saw a Military building mentioning it was GHQ. I Walked in and casually told that I wanted to meet Pervaiz Musharraf who was army chief. An army car came and took me to a close by army installation and the CO (Commanding Officer) there quizzed me. I told him everything frankly and told him that I was living with my sister and my brother-in-law was in Army. The CO called my brother-in-law and he took me home. However my family did not allow me to go out of the home after that. There was armed guard stationed on the door of my sister's home and would force me to stay inside. My brother-in-law also told my mother that army had told him that they would ask several intelligence personnel in plain clothes to follow wherever I would go. I would like to ask the readers this question whether my forced confinement was justified just because I talked to a CO in army. I think this cannot be easily explained.I was also kept in the hospital for two weeks and two armed guard stood at the gate only to take care of me and told me that chief has sent us to make sure nobody gives you any wrong medicine.After a few weeks, I went to my home at Kot Addu where an armed guard remained at the gate to stop me from leaving the house. The locks of my room were reversed and could be locked from outside and I was locked every night for six months.I was put on extremely heavy medication and I had drug-induced jaundice after six months. I was taken to the same psychiatrist who asked for stopping some medication and gave an alternate medication that did not metabolise through the liver. I was also put on treatment to improve my liver. Jaundice was so extreme that I could not sleep at night for two months due to severe itching. The doctor for the liver asked my family to really stop all medication but my sister insisted that I must continue the medication that did not metabolise through the liver. Jaundice was not getting better until I started getting several glucose drips everyday for more than a month and then things started getting better. My family promised that they would never give me any drugs ever. I really believed what they said.I started moving freely in Kot Addu and resumed work on my thesis research. My family did not like my moving freely very much. I had lived on my own previously all my life in various universities. One day I went to Multan to buy computer software that I needed for my research. My family did not like that. There was nothing wrong with this and I said something of the sort that I am not property of my father. My father and brothers snatched all money I had and tied me to a chair and also tied my legs and beat me. My mother was watching. There was enough noise and our immediate neighbors also started looking over the wall what was going inside our house. My family continued to suppress me for many days. I Asked them to let me go but they said that they wanted 50,000 dollars they had spent on my education. I said that I will pay in a few years but they said that they wanted their money at that time.I left my home after a few weeks and went to Lahore and started working at a software firm. I was living with a friend. After about a week my family came to the house I was living and gave me injections forcefully. I had not met a psychiatrist yet. I did see a psychiatrist next day who briefly interviewed me and said that he could never be my enemy and why would he ever do anything to hurt me. He put me on some medication. I was taken back to Kot Addu and again started living with my family. My family was better this time and after a few months, they allowed me to go back to Lahore where I started my thesis work again. My father gave me three thousand dollars and I went to Hong Kong where I tried to look for a job. I could not find a job and returned after two months. dot com bubble had burst. After spending only a week in our house at Kot Addu, my family started saying that you are not "working". You are not doing anything much. (I would like to mention that my other two brothers never really worked for more than six or seven years but nobody ever objected. When I got work later in 2003, I supported one of my brothers for more than five years who did not work in this period.) I ate strictly from our house at that time and did not eat anywhere else. After a week, my family mentioned that they wanted to take me to a psychiatrist in Rawalpindi. They gave me something in food and I have no memory of more than nine hours of travel to Rawalpindi. I also cannot recall anything I said to psychiatrist M. This is horrifying to this day since I vividly remember taking food before the journey and later getting into the car. I can recall almost every significant moment of my life but I do not know what happened there and I just recall that when I woke up I was lying on a bed at the psychiatrist M's facility and my memory restarted. I can recall everything after that. I have no memory whatsoever of being interviewed by Psychiatrist M. I was so week that many time I would defecate on the bed and hospital staff would have to wash my bed. Anything like this never happened all my life before. Every second or third day, I would be taken to a different room where they would place a wood piece between my jaws and give me anesthesia. I did not know anything about what they did. Somebody later told me after a few months that they gave me electric shocks. Doctor never discussed any thing about it or told me what he was doing. I used to ask my mother I was perfectly fine and nothing of the sort was ever needed but my family continued to force medication. I was allowed to go home with very heavy medication and continued to visit Doctor M after every two weeks. Doctor M never talked to me about any psychiatric problems. He would put a headphone like device with wire winded on it and would ask my mother,"How is your son." Doctor M kept me on heavy medication for more than three years. I was always told that you were not taking interest in your work and that is why you needed to be treated and this treatment lasted for three years. It was very difficult for me to work on my thesis on such heavy medication but I slowly continued since I had done most work before I had left for Hong Kong. When my medication decreased, I could work better. My thesis was very good and author of a mathematical finance book had asked me that he would make me co-author if I could contribute my programs and code for his book. I did give some code for free and it was published in a book. I also made a website Libor Market Model web where some free code was given for download. There were more than ten unique visits to that web site per day for many years and a lot of people downloaded code and papers by others and my thesis. This started in year 2002.I found a job with a Japanese company from Pakistan since they liked my work and asked me to write professional programs for derivative pricing and hedging. I moved to Lahore again form Kot Addu and rented a good sized apartment and continued to work. Slowly my family also started moving to my apartment. My work was going very well but my family started to insist again that I needed to see a psychiatrist. My brother, my father and my mother had already shifted to that apartment. One morning when I woke up, four people entered my room and asked that I had to visit a psychiatrist with them. In the facility, I was given an injection, my medication started and the psychiatrist S saw me after two days. Psychiatrist put me on heavy medication again despite that I was getting a very good salary and my reasoning was perfectly normal. I do not know why so heavy medication was needed. Doctor S continue to give me some drugs without my knowledge and without discussing with me. Doctor S would give me some drugs in a glucose drip every two/three days in operation theater. When I would be given the glucose drip, my blood pressure would start to fall and when half of the drip bottle would have gone into my blood, I would literally be unconscious and I would wake up several hours later in my room. I would shudder from fear as the day of this treatment would come closer and continued to beg psychiatrist S to stop this treatment. He said we are giving you vitamins and vitamins are always harmless. He insisted that vitamins had to be given to me. He never told me what drugs he gave me that made me unconscious and never discussed it with me other than mentioning vitamins.My company asked me to come to Tokyo and did the necessary paperwork but I resigned and decided to go back to Pakistan after a month. I came back to our house in Kot Addu where my father, mother and another guy gave me an injection, I fainted and I woke up at the basement of Doctor S's facility in Lahore. I continued to work and made some new models and when the company in Tokyo came to know about my new models, they asked me to start working with them again from Pakistan like I did before. Meanwhile Doctor S continued to give me very heavy medication. I started to get a salary of more than 5500 dollars per month and supported my mother and brother again and I incurred all their expenses. My father also borrowed more than sixty thousand dollars from me. I continued to ask Doctor S that my work was going well, and I was doing everything very sensibly so he should decrease the medication but he refused. I was earning handsome money and I decided to leave my family and go to Karachi. I drove to Karachi on my car. On arrival in Karachi my ATM card was disabled. I did have the check books with me so I continued to withdraw money. Police seriously harassed me in Karachi and After about three days, a police van stopped me and asked me to drive to Clifton police station where police blamed that my car, actually bought with my own money, was stolen. They forced me in a locker and a Police inspector slapped me violently several times. After several hours three navy jeeps came to police station and I was taken to a navy walled compound where I was locked again in a cellar for the night without any food or water. In the morning, I was taken outside and Four injections were forced on me by the intelligence personnel. I was forcefully sent back to Lahore with Doctor S where I remained in forced confinement for more than six months where drugs were forced on me and two injections were given daily.I would now digress to tell something about my early life and family. I went to one of the best boarding high schools in Pakistan where acceptance rate was one boy out of a hundred applicants at that time. We had four exams every year. Throughout my school life, I was among first four boys except only two times. My brothers also went to the same school but one of them was asked to leave due to academic problems after two years. The other brother managed to pass. My both brothers never worked. One of them started working with my father but they always fought. The other started working abroad only two years ago(2013). One of my married brothers who worked with my father had a fight with my father (2009). My father called me and asked me to pay no money to my brother. Two weeks later I heard the news that my brother had died. His body was brought to Lahore. I do not know about any poisons but I noticed that some people were talking strange about early death and poison. I also heard one of my sister say that he had taken poison. I was told he had a heart attack at 34 and most people did not believe. My brother was very aggressive and would take two knives, one in each hand and would walk in the house. This was when I was forced to live in Kot Addu. Everybody would lock in his room. I told my parents several time that if anybody needed treatment, it was my brother but my parents would laugh away. Whenever there was any fight in my family house, I would simply leave the house because I never liked or wanted to participate in their fights or loud arguments. I told my family several times that my brother needed some help but they never cared. He got divorced and left a daughter behind. He suicided. I wish my family had heeded my requests to treat him. When my brother died, I argued with my family that I am perfectly sane and I must be allowed to live a life without medication. My family agreed but said that they would give me drugs for six more months. My sister asked Dr. S to increase the number of injections from two per month to three per month. After six months, my family said that I must see another psychiatrist. My work was going very well. I was earning money. I Was paying for my mother and other brother's all expenses but they still wanted to continue drugging me. I was taken to psychiatrist R in Rawalpindi. Psychiatrist R gave me extreme medication and I would sleep for thirteen hours everyday. I argued with the doctor that I Was perfectly fine and these drugs do not let me work well and I remain mentally suppressed due to their effect but he continued. He said that I had good schizophrenia that I could work normally and make a handsome income (8500 dollars per month) and I could think rationally but I still had to be treated. He said that he had never come across a case of good schizophrenia before all his life.When I came back to Karachi from London, I wanted to live in Karachi and wanted to rented a house. I continued to call to my family two to three time everyday. My brother-in-law and his friends called me and posed as brokers interested in arranging housing for me over the phone and asked me to come to a thinly populated area. I asked the taxi driver to reach the place they mentioned. My brother-in-law started forcing me to go with him. I continued to ask him that we could talk and settle everything nicely but he was belligerent. They forced me off me feet on the road and tied both my hands and legs. He wanted to blindfold me in the car by putting a cover on my head but I forced my head against the roof of the car(my hands and legs were tied) and he could not blindfold me. They took me to a house in DHA Karachi and locked the main gate. Some people continued to come and go from the smaller gate. They gave me some injections and I would fall asleep. I would doze for about half an hour to hour and when I would wake up they would give me some other injection. One of the people there asked if I wanted them to arrange a dance party at night. In the afternoon they gave me some food to eat. While I was eating, a woman I never knew and never had seen before and all her breasts were exposed came and started eating in the same plate I was eating. I continued to answer what she said but did not do anything at all. They continued to give me injections and in the evening they gave me a final injection and I woke up at a psychiatrist's facility next day. Attendants at the hospital gave me an underwear and asked me to change my underwear. I was wearing two underwears. I removed one of the two underwears and wore their underwear(sorry for not using any other word) and came out of the bathroom. The attendants gave me several blows and said that I was trying to be smart with them. Doctor I did not interview me for several days and my heavy medication started again. I was threatened to comply. One of the other patients told me that some people took me out of my room unconscious at night and brought me back in the morning. I told Doctor I to make sure that nobody enters my room when I am sleeping but Doctor I would say that nobody would enter my room. I noticed that people continued to enter my room at night when I Was sleeping. After a lot of those incidents and protests, Doctor I changed his line and said that we really have to enter your room at night because of your safety. Doctor I kept me in his facility for more than nine months. He said that he would let me go out only if I live with my family in Lahore otherwise he will continue to detain me for possibly several years. I had to live with drug addicts and in a very very unprofessional environment. He allowed me to leave after about a year when I knew that there was no other way but to live with my family in Lahore.I am tired of writingand would continue in a day again.

Hi Amin,I read the whole post and find it very thoughtful and reflective. Your recall of past events is quite clear, with dates and so many details. I was sorry to hear about your brother - this must have been very upsetting to you and your family.Today I have a long drive and then more work, but if you decide to write again tomorrow, I will read your next post then. If you decide just to rest or work on other things, that is good too.It has been fairly quiet here and I hope that people here will let you continue to express yourself freely. It seems to me that you are recounting things from a different perspective this week.I also hope that you are in a comfortable place that is warm and where you have plenty of food and good things to drink. Your Internet connection is good, obviously.Have a pleasant day and maybe I will see you here tomorrow.TS

In the third paragraph from the bottom, I have written,"When my brother died, I argued with my family that I am perfectly sane and I must be allowed to live a life without medication. My family agreed but said that they would give me drugs for six more months. My sister asked Dr. S to increase the number of injections from two per month to three per month. "This is not two per month. This is two injections per week and my sister insisted on three injections per week. Since I have written something, I would want it to be accurate. I was trying to post the same material on defence.pk but I could not post it there for about an hour. My post will appear in the thread but the relevant thread would not reset to start of the appropriate forum category index. I decided to make a post from internet shops and not from my personal computer. When I reached the internet shop, I noticed that it had actually been posted in the right format.

QuoteOriginally posted by: outrunThanks for being very frank and open. Maybe the best thing you can do is to find your own doctor in a civilized country with good human rights and have a talk with him/her about the issues you have and what options you have to improve things for you. I would not do that in Pakistan because you don't seem to have good law and human rights that prevent to ending up with "forced treatment" without a good reason. If you find good treatment yourself (which will be very difficult) then that would make you be more in control yourself, be in control of the treatment and probably keep your family from interfering.In some civilized countries, many people are mean towards muslims with great pride. In many circles, they continue to discuss and brainstorm how to insult innocent muslims like me and their communities encourage such discussion without any regard for humanity.

can you access this? The view count has not changed by more than five since a day. http://defence.pk/threads/machinations- ... 72731Seems like it is blocked in Pakistan to gain time for more attacks to retard me.

Hi Amin,I checked that link and yes, I could see your recent post on the pak. thread from yesterday.It is raining here today and I am staying home to work on a writing project.Later I will have a look back here and see if you are adding to this thread or if you might return to some of your work in the Technical Forum. For other peoples' reference, this is one of Amin's current quant projects: Exact Calculation of Stochastic Time Integrals with an Application Towards High Order Monte Carlo of Non-Linear SDE's and here is a link to Amin's paper on SSRN: Robust Monte Carlo - Non-Linear SDEs.I'd also note this work, which is in the Technical Forum: Density of Stochastic Differential Equations with Stochastic Calculus of Standard DeviationsIt's always fine just to relax and enjoy the springtime too, of course - I wish I had time right now to go for a walk in the rain and look at the flowers that are now growing in my yard!Have a nice afternoon.TS