QuoteEddie Izzard on Cats and DogsCats have a scam going ? you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that's the deal. You have no control over your cat! You can't say to your cat, "Cat, heel! Stay! Wait! Lie down! Roll over!" 'Cause the cat's just gonna be sitting there going, "Interesting words ? have you finished?" While you're shouting all this to your cat, your dog's next to you, going ? [mimes obeying all commands] "What the hell are you doing? I'm talking to the cat!" "Oh, I'm sorry!" And cats leap up walls! Six foot walls, they just go ? *fwang* [mimes cat jumping] Lands perfectly, and turn ? turn ? and back flip and forward flip, and dismount! They always land perfectly, they never do that sort of wobbly-gymnast ? [mimes wobbling] You never see cats on a wall having a problem, do you? You never see a cat going, [mimes tentative walk] "Fucking 'ell! I'm not sure about this ?" and a cat on the ground, going, "Easy, Ginger! I'll walk you down!" We throw sticks at dogs, that's the level we have dogs at. You'd never dream of throwing one for a cat. We throw sticks for dogs, and dogs go, "Oh, he's dropped his stick! I better go and get that. [mimes chasing after the stick] Saw you dropped your stick there, thought I'd bring it back. And you ? hang on! [mimes giving the stick back and follows it with eyes as it's thrown again] Did you see me just bring that back? And then you ? you dropped it again? This is very weird. I don't know what's going on here. [mimes bringing the stick back again] Now, hang on to it this time, I don't want to piss about all the time. You think I enjoy this? There you ? don't fucking throw it!" That's why the third time, when they come back, they won't give it to you. They go, [through clenched teeth] "No ? I won't let you take it!"