MODERN FINANCIAL TERMS, EXPLAINED: EBIT -- earnings before irregularities and tampering.CEO -- chief embezzlement officer.CFO -- corporate fraud officer.NAV -- normal Anderson valuation.P/E -- parole entitlement.EPS -- eventual prison sentence.BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. MOMENTUM INVESTING -- The fine art of buying high and selling low.VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.BROKER -- What my broker has made me."BUY, BUY" -- A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane.STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~