Updated financial definitions:CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistakehimself for a financial genius.BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance,the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as themarket keeps crashing.BROKER -- What my broker has made me.STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assetsequally between themselves.FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo@ $240 per share.INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in anuthouse.PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use.And, finally, OPTIMIST -- Derivatives Trader who irons five shirts on a Sunday night.

CDS -- Certain Default SynthesizerTARP -- Taxpayer Asset Reduction ProgramSEC -- Security for Executives Commission